This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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