it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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