I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I would ride that face into the sunset
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