I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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