Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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