Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize