So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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