Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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