I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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