Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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