He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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