I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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