I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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