He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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