It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My vagina is officially offended.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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