i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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