I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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