Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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