This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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