I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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