when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize