you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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