I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize