burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize