I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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