I'm gonna have a badass scar
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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