repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize