I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I AM VODKA MAN
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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