i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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