Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize