Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize