"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize