New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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