I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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