'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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