my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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