Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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