My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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