No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize