he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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