We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i think my cat just said my name.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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