But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize