He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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