Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize