Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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