You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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