Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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