I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Enjoy the penises
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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