I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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