people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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