we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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