the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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